How could this have happened? I felt so abandoned. It took time for me to realize that I had not been abandoned at all. I was being given a reminder. I had been treated to a special gift. I had lived through it and had forced myself to forget about it as soon as it was over. I had not learned my lesson. What lesson? The lesson that I should share my experience and not be ashamed of it. I should use my gift, the best I could, to assure others that death is not really something to be feared. But I had been embarrassed to talk about it. I thought it was hokey. Although I had always wondered if near-death experiences were real, now that I had had one, I rejected it. It took even longer for me to be able to freely talk about it to others. Once I did, I could see the comfort in their faces as I described the sensations and total state of peace, as the tears streamed down my cheeks. Yes, I was meant to talk about it, share it. Many people have told me how much better it has made them feel to hear my story. For the dying, it validated their hopes and beliefs. For their families, it gave comfort and made their own grief less, knowing their loved ones were going someplace - a place full of love and peace. I assured them that grieving is for the living, not the dead. We all miss those we lose. That pain is real, but those who leave us enjoy a state the living do not experience. Lessons Learned Some people say when one door closes another opens. Most of the time it's hard for the person involved to see any good behind a loss or major change. My surgery meant I could no longer be an ED nurse. I now have many restrictions in my life. ED nursing was my life and my soul. It was who and what I was. The loss was devastating to me. For a long time I had no idea what I would do with the rest of my life.